Emmy World Refugees Journal

[It looks like Sheridan took a leaf from a few of the other companion-critters. Though if her expression is any indication as she's standing in the forefront, she doesn't have any mischievous motives. She looks concerned. In the background Dreamwriter can be seen tossing things recklessly onto her bed the scarab brooch at her throat has an orange stone.]

Where'd I put it?! Sheridan, where's my quill!

[The fae turns around and begins making hand gestures, eventually pointing toward the pillow of her owner's bed.

Even though Dreamwriter's turned to face Sheridan, it doesn't look like she notices the camera's on. She lays down on top of the things on the bed pulling the quill out from between the head of the bed and the mattress behind the pillow.]

[she sighs, running her fingers over the black and silver feather she's not looking over at the laptop anymore] Why...? I'm not supposed to. I'm. It's. This. I'm not. Not me...

[Sheridan flits over to her owner and glances at the camera before fiddling with the brooch holding the cloak in place. Dreamwriter sits up and sighs]

I get it, if I'm going to mope, I should take off the coat.

[She blinks as she unpins the brooch and glances toward the laptop, apparently now she notices the video function's on and she seems as inflated as an upset bird] Do I need to give you my kidslocked account, Sheridan?!

[The fae makes a few more hand gestures then frowns at the camera then pouts at her owner]

[Dreamwriter visibly deflates] Well...I suppose if you were worried. Just go shut it off and make sure it's not posting to the community.

[Sheridan comes back to the laptop and moves back and forth between close to the camera and back a bit. Keys tap as she moves. She's apparently checking to make sure she's doing as her owner said. Then the transmission cuts]

I look at the community and I don't know what to say. I write and I act.


But right now, we don't know what we're doing. Heaven knows we may well be shooting our feet by not acting, but it's not easy to know when movement is necessary when you're afraid of the mines hidden underground.


I wanted a break. I needed a break. Doesn't stop me from worrying though. I feel like a coward for not returning to Radiant Garden when the barrier went down when everyone else did. I'm repeating the past. I should move. I should. I can't stick my feet in the ground like this. But, I don't know what else to do. Is there something I'm supposed to do? Last time I helped by research and my own interpretation of magic... Hmm... I think I'm gonna go hit the books again. Nothing better to do and I don't think I'm gonna get sleep tonight.

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OOC: ...post otherwise known as "DreamWriter has no idea where-the-fuck she actually is in canon and is filling in the blanks as she's been MIA since the barrier was up around RG".

for charloft: Dirty litle secrets. Some secrets are big, and some are just embarassing. What embarassing little secrets do you have? Do you enjoy watching soaps, do you sleep with a teddy bear? Confess!
nb: this is as much the MUN's opinion as her character... do remember that DreamWriter happens to be a KH-crossversed version of the mun.

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They say two can keep a secret if only one of them is dead, but truly? I believe there are people who can hide "dirty little secrets". It's all a matter of perspective. Who's to say what is reality and what is fiction? Define "real." Can you?

My reality and yours may differ greatly. Maybe this is all someone's game. Maybe we all live a dream. And maybe, just maybe, we will wake from this dream. I mean, think about it. It's easily accessible to bullshit. That's why there are LJs about "fake LJs and fake MySpaces." But even more than that, it's quite easy to change one's appearance subtly and become one of 3 in a rating community instead of one. :o The internet makes BS worthwhile and simple. Especially with 32 minute internet access in libraries and almost unlimited access for college labs.

My secret? I like BS... a lot. Drama's my thing even if I can't act for SHIT in person or voice. LJ is my theatre.

I think I found what I'm looking for... and I wonder if maybe I can start learning to use my mental bonds to improve my own skills. Being the innocent one who knows too much is perhaps the best disguise I have. I have some of the skills of my bonds in lesser qualities, after all. Perhaps I can start to tap my knowledge into theirs. I know I have a shared memory tool in my mind, we just...don't usually use it for combining real-time knowledge and source knowledge. It tends to be used as a real-time knowledge tracker as well as a check-in-check-out point to the few who behave similar to gateway systems.

I'm...perhaps one of the interesting ones that no one knows. *chuckles* I kind of like that. "It's always the quiet ones," after all. Plus the fact that I can believe so strongly in the strangest of things. But, I suppose if I'm going to tap into the one that should be easiest to tap into, I'm going to need to find some flowers and a some wire.... hmm.... might need a quick trip to earth at some point...

I'm starting to get attached to this song, even if it IS unorthodox and kinda evil in a diplomatic way.

Song, I'm also around to talk if you ever need anyone else to talk with.

Duplicity. Duality. It's something I believe in a lot... It's...essential to Disney... to life.. .to everything. I believe it's necessary. For every positive thing, there must be a polar opposite. For every light, there must be a darkness. For every piece of nothing, there must be a piece of something. For every experience of love, there must be an experience of hate. For every piece of sadness, there should be happiness. For every belief, there must be a skeptic. For every knowledgeable person, there should be someone without knowledge.

This song I'm listening to is a tongue-in-cheek commentary on Alanis Morissette's career as well as the world in general. Youtube video here and lyrics here. Some of the clips in the video are embarrassing kid photos of her. It's a rather...cynical song, but it's catchy.

...This quote made a lot of sense alongside the post I wrote the other day. Similar sentiments to before this adventure began...reminds me of what I said back in Traverse before the world was restored: "At home, it was a fairy tale to be here. Now, the thought of home feels more like a fairy tale."

"...No human has visited Fantastica,
For they no longer know the way,
They have forgotten how real we are
They don't believe in us anymore.
Oh, if only one child of man would come,
Oh, then at last the thing would be done.
If only one would hear our plea.
For them it is near, but for us too far,
Never can we go out to them,
For theirs is the world of reality." (sung by Uyalala; 101)

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"...And the more these visits enriched our world, the fewer lies there were in theirs, the better it became. Just as our two worlds can injure each other, they can also make each other whole again."(spoken by the Childlike Empress; 158)

You can't have one without the other...lies and fantasy are from the same source, like light and dark.

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"Master," the lion replied calmly. "Didn't you know that Fantastica is the land of stories? A story can be new and yet tell about olden times. The past comes into existence with the story."(210)

kind of self-explanatory. :)
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...And perhaps...the two quotes I think most important of all, I shall end on...

"How am I to find the way there?" asked Bastian."Isn't it too late?"
"There's only one wish that can take you there: your last."
Bastian was terrified. "Dame Eyola--all the wishes that have come true thanks to AURYN have made me forget something. Will it be the same with this one?"
She nodded slowly.
"But if I don't notice it!"
"Did you notice it other times? Once you've forgotten something you don't know you ever had it."
"What am I forgetting now?"
"I'll tell you at the proper time. If I told you now you'd hold onto it."
"Must I lose everything?"
"Nothing is lost," she said. "Everything is transformed." (366)

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"They are forgotten dreams from the human world," Yor explained. "Once someone dreams a dream, it can't just drop out of existence. But if the dreamer can't remember it what becomes of it? It lives on in Fantastica, deep under our earth. There the forgotten dreams are stored in many layers. The deeper one digs, the closer together they are. All Fantastica rests on a foundation of forgotten dreams."
......
"Listen to me, Bastian Balthazar Bux," he said. "I'm no great talker. I prefer silence. But I will answer this one question. You are looking for the Water of Life. You want to be able to love, that's your only hope of getting back to your world. To love--that's easily said. But the Water of Life will ask you: Love whom? Because you can't just love in general. You've forgotten everything but your name. And if you can't answer, it won't let you drink. So you'll just have to find a forgotten dream, a picture that will guide you to the fountain. And to find that picture, you will have to forget the one thing you have left: yourself. And that take hard, patient work. Remember what I've said, for I shall never say it again."(373).

To me, both of these quotes are about...how the hardest thing we must do in our lives...is to grow -- to change -- to let go of what we have. We 'lose' some things to change, but...they're never gone. They've become forgotten dreams, or they sleep somewhere inside us, behind a door we're afraid to open.

...I told her what I believe...what I feel.

We are so alike and yet so different. It's...strange. The only difference is alliance and a heart, and that is what makes all the difference.

Like her and Xemnas I believe that some doors were meant to be opened... I believe Sora is on the right track with closing doors because some doors were not meant to be opened...but some doors were not meant to be closed. Though to a lesser extent, I don't think the other refugees see the underlying metaphor of doors...and what I think opening doors means in my heart. I do not necessarily see the same definition. I see a wider view than either group does...though sometimes I feel Song is so close to the truth I see. I believe in melding...it is not a logical nor a rational argument, but one I believe so strongly. Paths may be chosen as alternates. I believe my choice is to walk as close on the line as I dare. To explore, to sacrifice, to gain...and perhaps...to have opened my mind enough to discover what no one else has thought of. What no one else is brave enough to see.

We talked the other day. About her other...About how to truly see and what blinds. About evolution and growing beyond boundaries. About current events. What it means to exist and definitions of existence. I told her about what I vaguely hinted at to Axel when he revealed himself as a Refugee...as one of us. That I soulbond. That fiction is real to me because I can feel fictional individuals as people. To an extent...I am fiction... A very strange fiction...But it is something I see the world through and one of many reasons I am...not easy to surprise. I accepted this as real from the beginning... It is no dream.

There must be some other path. I doubt the melding of the arguments of both The Dreaming and the other Refugees would bring happiness. So, there must be some other way besides the Dreaming...which I feel needs moderation now that I've reread Song's posts again and again.

Though Belegwen...is somewhat on the right path that love is the route to the heart...but I believe that in...the end...Kingdom Hearts...the ORIGINAL Kingdom Hearts IS Love AND Light. It's two sides of one coin. Light to me is the outpouring of Love that comes from Opening the Heart. In reality...for me...to open doors is to take down the walls that divide--to broaden vision, to broaden the mind, to broaden the heart ... Or in the case of nobodies in my opinion... to broaden the view of emptiness into a view of something..."Nothing is Everything and Everything is Nothing". That's a rough translation of a few lines from the Tao Te Ching.

I may be wrong. But this is the path I choose to seek, to prove my beliefs. There's only way to find out if my belief is real...That is to follow my heart, to accept what I find...and to live and to dream.