Private IC Journal Post...as an afterthought she's gone back at the end & re-locked this to Song

[dreamwriter_emmy]

Seeing things the Way Xemnas does...opening my mind... I do... still have faith in him... It is a faith at the end of a leash, but... This song fits what I'm thinking about it.

I...I've been thinking...This icon has some truth to it. It's from the Book Ender's Shadow. Orson Scott Card... I've been fond of his books for his take on religion...and life. It's...cynical, yet wise, yet idealistic. I told Xemnas that I am Contradiction--dreamer, realist, and cynic. Also, that i believe balance is needed, necessary. But that I have faith in whatever end he works. I have faith in each of US as well. I wouldn't tell the others outright that I think such things... Also...I gave him my thought about dreams... I see dreams as paths, outlets, patterns and keys, but not as answers. The definition of dream is inspiration and hope to me.


This is where the icon comes from and this spans a few pages:

"On the contrary, I am old enough now to have all the memories of my people locked within my head. I remember things that happened long before I was born. I remember thing that never happened at all. I live in memory."

"Is that a pleasant place to dwell?"

"Pleasant?" He shrugged. "I laugh at all of it because I must. Because it is so sweetly sad--all the tragedies, and yet nothing is learned."

"Because human nature never changes," she said.

"I have imagined," he said, "how God might have done better when he made man--in his own image, I believe."

"Male and female created he them. Making his image anatomically vague, one must suppose."

He laughed and clapped her rather too forcefully on the back. "I didn't know you could laugh about such things! I am pleasantly surprised!"

"I am glad I could bring cheer into your bleak existence."

"And then you sink the barb into the flesh." They reached an overlook that had a rather less view of the sea than Anton's own terrace. "It is not a bleak existence, Carlotta. For I can celebrate God's great compromise in making human beings as we are."

"Compromise?"

"Our bodies could live forever, you know. We don't have to wear out. Our cells are all alive; they can maintain and repair themselves, or be replaced by fresh ones. There are even mechanisms to keep replenishing our bones. Menopause need not stop a woman from bearing children. Our brains need not decay, shedding memories or failing to absorb new ones. But God made us with death inside."

"You are beginning to sound serious about God."

"God made us with death inside and also with intelligence. We have our seventy years or so--perhaps ninety, with care--in the mountains of Georgia, a hundred and thirty is not unheard of, though I personally believe they are all liars. They would claim to be immortal if they thought they could get away with it. We could live forever if we were willing to be stupid the whole time."

"Surely you're not saying that God had to choose between long life and intelligence for human beings!"

"It's there in your own Bible, Carlotta. Two trees--knowledge and life. You eat of the tree of knowledge, and you will surely die. You eat of the tree of life, and you remain a child in the garden forever, undying."

"You speak in theological terms, and yet I thought you were an unbeliever."

"Theology is a joke to me. Amusing! I laugh at it. I can tell amusing stories about theology, to jest with believers. You see? It keeps me calm."

At last she understood. How clearly did he have to spell it out? He was telling her the information she had asked about, but doing it in code, in a way that fooled not only the eavesdroppers--and there might well be listeners to every word they said--but even his own mind. It was all a jest; therefore he could tell her the truth, as long as he did it in this form.

"Then I don't mind hearing your wild humourous forays into theology."

"Genesis tells of men who lived to be more than nine hundred years old. What it does not tell you is how very stupid these men all were."

Sister Carlotta laughed aloud.

"That's why God had to destroy humanity with his little flood," Anton went on. "Get rid of those stupid people and replace them with quicker ones. Quick quick quick, their minds moved, their metabolism. Rushing onward into the grave."

"From Methuselah at nearly a millennium of life to Moses with his hundred and twenty years, and now to us. But our lives are getting longer."

"I rest my case."

"Are we stupider now?"

"So stupid that we would rather have long life for our children than see them become too much like God, knowing...good and evil...knowing...everything." (Sister Carlotta and Anton, Chapter 9 Garden of Sofia, Ender's Shadow, Orson Scott Card, pages 169-171)

I suppose....on the one hand...Xemnas has a door open and a few minds, but I do think there must be another method...or at least..another use for these dreams...somewhere.

I have to wonder...what he thought about my words, truly though. He said it was a strange answer. I believe he's starting to be easier to understand and it is easier for him to understand... I don't know, though...honestly...3 days was enough to raise the Savior and make Believers from Him, but it is not nearly enough time these days... so few people KNOW. How little everyone knows.... People ARE stupid. Individuals are stupid. It's not a lie...and while stupidity can be beautiful, I don't know...there's MORE to this world.

damn, I'm starting to SOUND like a mix of him and DiZ in my head...

...I wonder if there is a world out there besides Narnia where there might be answers...