dreamwriter_emmy: Alexis Bledel (brunette smiling sitting on a bench) (Default)
....I still can't get used to the fact that I'm now living at Rainbow's End and yet I still don't really feel comfortable in Radiant.This is the closest thing to family really, even if I still don't really feel like I belong anywhere. Feels like something's missing... I just can't place it anymore, though.

Also brooding for some reason. Likely the fact that there are two youngsters here and I always connect more with little kids between infant and about 10. That was the best thing about being home for Christmas -- I got to see my newest baby cousin.

Maybe I should offer to babysit... It'd give me something to do beyond trying to figure out what classes I'm going to take at RIT...Since I think I'm going to stick around a while.... Have to poke at their tech majors...and I kind-of want to poke at magical theory and other metaphysics as a minor... Also maybe literature.

This is depressing. It probably doesn't help that I hole up in my room because I'm not sleeping well because I seem to be regaining nightmares. Old ones about rats and big lies and of course being a witness to murder. I hate my subconscious.
dreamwriter_emmy: Alexis Bledel (brunette smiling sitting on a bench) (fear for courage)
DreamWriter was worried about the wedding. For the most of the weekend, she'd purposefully been losing sleep, putting wedding-fitting designs onto her outfits, teaching her self sewing and weaving among other things.

She had bought a frilly child's dress in the market place a while back but never worn it, so this was her opportunity to wear the mint and chocolate affair.

On her new cloak, with silver thread, she had embroidered a cloud with a heart inside it and the sunshine peaking around an edge. And on the sleeves -- one side had an embroidery of a vine and the other had a spider web.

THe crystal for her staff was obsidian and she was going to insist on sitting near the door, where the staff's powers would be able to theoretically remove anyone's external baggage.

The scarab brooch over the frogs fastenings of her cloak held the carnelian as a reminder that as Refugees they were "all in this together".

Under all this, she was wearing a new pair of high-heeled mary janes.
dreamwriter_emmy: Alexis Bledel (brunette smiling sitting on a bench) (Default)
also, I'll admit writing with a mirror also sucks more. :D

Little Sheridan's proving herself useful, though she thinks all this is rather funny. She's laughing at me... Or at least that's what it seems to be. She signs, rather than talks or jingles. My apartment's clean, though. Good I suppose.

I should put up a picture post of all the stuff I got at Star Market at some point... including Ryune and Brandon's wedding presents...

Oh, and Song, if you need some parchment before this curse wears off, feel free to stop by. you know where I live, even though it's not exactly close to Rainbow End at all.
dreamwriter_emmy: Alexis Bledel (brunette smiling sitting on a bench) (Default)
I keep my light shining on the community... but really? I'm worried.

I may live in light, and light outshines darkness, but even darkness has light and light, darkness. Without those, the world would be naught.

Things are very strange these days... Calum and the first darkness. Dream Brother Orpheus, flown away somewhere unknown. I miss him and I barely knew him, though our ideas are near complete opposites. We share the same dream, but a different methodology. It's always been the way with all three of us. And I... I'm the artist, the one who creates in the now, but does so slowly inspite of impatience, rather than destroying that which is cared for by others. My problem is that I worry too much and I give too much, though. That's my darkness. I am open to any possibilities, as long as faith, loyalty, love, and friendship remain intact.

I'm going to Narnia, hopefully, with Rox and a few others. I hope to heavens Aslan will hear the prayer of someone who doesn't quite believe in him, but in another variation of him. It's hard you know. Doubting oneself and ones belief system. THough, at least I was once one of his kind. I hope we can find some answers. So much is problematic. The World is problematic, but that doesn't mean a solution is destruction, rather... the solution is balance. We do need the first darkness, but at the same time, we need it in moderation. it's... just hard to figure out where that is if you don't even know where to start. And... thinking is running us in circles and time... we don't have enough time and not enough answers. How do you fix things when you don't exactly know how they are broken?
dreamwriter_emmy: Alexis Bledel (brunette smiling sitting on a bench) (dreaming for time)
...I usually never dream... so this was odd. Very strange indeed, though given the news and the music i was listening to before bed... I'm not surprised. I saw and danced with Mother Earth again........

Much as i hate home.... welll... Home is something important to me. I was born on Earth Day. Says a lot about me, doesn't it? I admired Xemnas's plan both when he was Xemnas and when he was Orpheus.... and yet such a hardset force connects me to earth. I want both. Everyone wants something. Everyone wants more than they can have.

lyrics and video under cut )
dreamwriter_emmy: Alexis Bledel (brunette smiling sitting on a bench) (dreaming for time)
"I want to dream. I want to be free. I want happiness. I want love. I want to be me."

I hate the way society has laid itself out. i hate the dichotomy of society... money, spectacular grades, and spectacular looks versus what you can do, how well you handle things, and what's on the inside. And of course the power of networking.

Society today is full of corruption, power, force of will, espionage, lies. What happened to love? Where did it all go?

I'm losing hope. I don't see the point in this. I know there must be more...

It's a painful world when the historian doesn't see a point in recording....

I've been extremely clucky since January. I'm only 20 and I want to have a baby. It's so funny, though. You'd never expect this from me if you knew me well, considering the fact that there is a pretty deep internal aversion to the physicality of romance.

All I want to do right now is have a family. I want to be the 1950s mom who stays at home, takes care of the kids, and maybe does some clerical work for her husband.

Is it wrong that I have 1950s ideals? Tell me, why it is wrong to wish for the past or a future yet unknown?

Please tell me there is something more beyond this darkness... please.

"I think one of our most important tasks is to convince others that there is nothing to fear in difference; that difference, in fact, is one of the healthiest and most invigorating of human characteristics without which life would become meaningless. Here lies the power of the liberal way: not in making the whole world Unitarian, but in helping ourselves and others to see some of the possibilities inherent in viewpoints other than one's own; in encouraging the free interchange of ideas; in welcoming the fresh approaches to the problems of life; in urging the fullest, most vigorous use of critical self-examination." - Aldlai Stevenson
dreamwriter_emmy: Alexis Bledel (brunette smiling sitting on a bench) (DreamWriter)
so I went to the shops, and guess what DreamWriter found? A very brilliant journal that perfectly fits for this new year. I think DreamSeeker will be able to see why best. And I got it for a discount because it's a bit damaged and faded from being in a display case near a window.

I took pictures. )

ooc note: yes, this is a real journal i bought from a real store.... and i dunno it just said "DreamWriter's new book!" and yes, I did get it for about a $2 discount.


dreamwriter_emmy: Alexis Bledel (brunette smiling sitting on a bench) (Default)

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